"If you know yourself well, you'll stay calm and go far" Violaine du Boucher

“If you know yourself well, you’ll stay calm and go far.” This could be the mantra of Violaine du Boucher addressed to the staff and managers she supports day to day. To fully express your abilities and show assertiveness, you first need to know yourself well; that is the foundation.

Assertiveness is a skill that is often misunderstood, yet crucial in the professional world. The word comes from the English assertiveness, a noun formed from the verb “to assert”: to affirm, assertion, to stand up for oneself, to defend one’s rights, to defend one’s opinion. Assertiveness can be translated into French as affirmation de soi.
Violaine du Boucher, a coach and skills-assessment consultant, guides us in improving this skill, with 3 key points in mind.

3 essential points for showing assertiveness

#1 Be aware of your talents and your weak points, so as to seek to develop the power of the former rather than eliminate the failings of the latter.

The strategy has multiple advantages:

• It takes less effort than the opposite to have impact and influence: by adopting a strategy that builds on their strengths and their "zone of genius", a person can maximise their effectiveness with less effort. Instead of struggling to develop skills that do not match their nature, they can focus on what they do best
• It is motivating and rewarding in itself to develop your zone of genius: when you pursue activities that align with your natural skills and interests, you feel a sense of accomplishment and personal satisfaction.
• Ultimately, it lets everyone go where they thrive most: you can find professional opportunities that match your preferences and passions. This can lead to a more fulfilling career, where you take pleasure in what you do every day.

☞ Take the example of introverted profiles:
You will not, as a rule, be the ones heard most in meetings or by the coffee machine. That can be frustrating, but it is not a problem. You do not have to change: you have other qualities to draw on. Your capacity to listen, for example, or your depth of analysis, will surely serve your whole team. Simply learn to position yourself in the right place, and it is up to your manager to help you do so.

Assertiveness is an essential skill for communicating your needs, opinions and limits clearly and respectfully. It fosters effective communication within the team and strengthens professional relationships. Communication training, personal-development workshops and coaching are effective ways to improve this skill, by better understanding your own values and learning to express them constructively.

#2 Be able to adapt (just enough) to profiles different from your own in order to make yourself better understood.

In other words, it is about knowing your margin of flexibility with the person in front of you. As the adjustment is not the same from one person to the next, it is a delicate balancing act for each relationship.

Warning: you must never lie to yourself or become someone you are not (otherwise it hurts, like a nasty sprain).

A simple model such as DISC - a framework for reading human behaviour - and its four colours, standing for as many communication preferences, reveals to everyone their preferred style, which will colour their relationships. So take a look to discover your profile and those of your colleagues before finding common ground, without any misunderstanding.

It is a bit like the story of a French person and a Japanese person who speak English to understand each other. It is nobody’s mother tongue, but even so, they manage to get along!

#3 Be clear about your expectations and your limits so as to have them respected

If your needs and requests are vague to you, imagine what they will be for those around you, your boss, your direct report, and so on. How could they understand what is essential to you? How could they grasp what does not suit you or what you are missing to do your job well and thrive in it? 

This fundamental point refers back to the concept of assertiveness, which describes our ability to affirm what we want (or do not want), sometimes firmly, but without ever coming across as domineering. So take the time to probe your wishes, to question the sometimes uncomfortable situations you encounter, while remaining open to dialogue. And above all, express yourself with a fine, big “I” – it does you good!

Assertiveness is more than a communication skill; it is a key element of professional and personal development. In a working world in constant flux, assertiveness will be a skill that is increasingly sought after and valued.

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You now know just about everything about the processes to put in place to allow you to express your full potential and show assertiveness at work. If you have ideas to enrich the subject, do not hesitate to share them with us in the comment field below!
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