"Parenthood at work: still plenty to do!"

In June 2023,  The Boson Project - a consultancy specialising in workplace engagement - ran a study titled "Work & Parenthood: a difficult balancing act". The aim of the survey: to investigate both the parental experience (1,000 parents questioned through a polling institute) and how far companies are actually moving on the issue (20 HR directors interviewed).

The study's title says it all: 77% of respondents find balancing work and parenthood difficult or very difficult, and that holds true for every kind of parent. 

The study highlights the urgent need to act if we are to prevent several generations of parents from burning out, and it calls for a rethink of the way we work and manage. All the more so because it is firmly in companies' interest: adopting parent-friendly policies is about long-term performance and appeal. Parents are telling us as much: it really does make all the difference!

While solutions are emerging, centred on flexibility and communication within companies, obstacles remain. To talk about this subject in concrete terms, Flore Villemot, HR director at The Boson Project, offers us some food for thought on how to strike a better balance between parenthood and work.

How would you sum up the state of parenthood at work today?

Our study looked at the everyday challenges faced by working parents. The findings are unequivocal: 8 parents in 10 say that juggling work and home life is a daily challenge. Many feel they are never in the right place at the right time. To keep up with this new rhythm of life, 61% say they work outside their normal hours. 

And guess who has it hardest? 

Generation Y is finding this pressured version of parenthood especially hard to bear. Between the ages of 30 and 40, you are expected to succeed at everything, and above all in France: having children, buying a flat, performing at work while trying to be the perfect parent. In this era of positive parenting and a thousand-and-one tips on getting it right, the work of parenting has intensified, bringing its share of doubt and guilt. At the same time, work has become more demanding too, with constant connectivity and a permanent sense of urgency.

And women too, of course, who still shoulder most of the mental load and family responsibilities. Although that needs some nuance, particularly for Generation Y, which is working towards new balances. But overall, when you question women, they talk about logistical difficulties, whereas men talk about finding time to spend with their child. One figure speaks volumes: a study carried out by Doctolib revealed that 85% of children's medical appointments are booked by mothers.

So how do we change things? Companies are beginning to take up the subject, driven by the stakes around gender equality. Because yes, motherhood still has a major impact on women's careers. Encouraging men to take paternity leave could create greater fairness. Some companies are also betting on measures to encourage fathers to get involved right from the birth, a key period in which many lasting habits are formed.

But there is still a way to go. Although paternity leave was extended to 28 days last July, many fathers do not take it in full. What will become of the future six-month birth leave to be shared between women and men, as envisaged by the government? One thing is certain:  there is an urgent need to act so as not to exhaust a whole generation of parents.

When it comes to parenthood, are all organisations in the same boat? 

As I said earlier, our survey shows that there are difficulties in balancing work and family life, with notable disparities between sectors. 85% in healthcare, 82% in education and 79% in transport tell us that combining parenthood and work is difficult or very difficult. Paradoxically, sectors reputed to be "family-friendly", such as education - which have attracted many parents in search of a better balance - are experiencing persistent difficulties. Chiefly because of a lack of flexibility over hours and a lack of purchasing power to be able to afford help.

The accounts given by some nurses are among the most striking. They find themselves forced to dip into their savings to pay for morning childcare. Single-parent teachers also end up in very tricky situations, with timetables that fit poorly around their family responsibilities. Not to mention the nights on call in A&E, all headaches that stifle certain vocations.

What is the key challenge for HR in improving the situation?

Admittedly, parenthood alone does not explain the tensions running through these professions, which also suffer from a lack of recognition, resources and salary prospects. Nevertheless, there are certain levers organisations can pull to ease the constraints specifically linked to parenthood. 

The focus groups run during the survey reveal that flexibility has become a key factor in parents' wellbeing at work. When hours are restrictive and income is limited, the pressure is at its highest. 

Popular though it is with parents, beware the traps of flexibility: 81% of "flexible" parents very often work in the evening, at weekends or during their holidays. It is the "triple day" syndrome: working in fits and starts from morning to night, even if it means finishing late once the children are in bed.

While some people cope with this rhythm, hyper-flexibility can quickly turn into a nightmare. When a child falls ill, it is hard to genuinely step back. You work in bursts, forcing the machine whenever you can. Over time, this build-up of tiredness paves the way to parental burnout.

Some sectors are experimenting with innovative arrangements: self-managed rotas in catering, the four-day week at Accor, grouping remote-workable tasks into every other Friday in Apple stores. All avenues for offering parents flexibility without slipping into "working more".

One important point: organisations have everything to gain from surveying their working parents to identify the obstacles and find bespoke solutions. Bordeaux University Hospital, for instance, has rolled out an à-la-carte rota system for its nurses, with a marked reduction in stress as the payoff.

Are employees well informed about the measures put in place?

Here again, the survey's findings are clear. Many employees simply do not know what they are entitled to. Worse still, some feel their company does not really want them to take up these rights, formalised though they are.

Two factors can explain this low level of awareness. On the one hand, HR teams do not devote enough time to getting the message across properly. A classic mistake is not to share the information at the right moment. It is common sense, but in the flow of daily life, some things get forgotten. So it is better to share information relating to parenthood when the employee becomes a parent, rather than muddying the waters with 12,000 documents at the point of hiring. 

It can also happen that passing information between managers and working parents is difficult too. That is understandable: talking about personal, intimate situations is anything but straightforward. 

On the one hand, employees themselves are not always comfortable with the idea of confiding in their manager. Without even mentioning births, take the example of "sick child" days. Who has ever dared take their five days in the year? Is it looked on well? Badly? It all comes down to the perception surrounding these rights. Ultimately, company culture and what others think often weigh more heavily than the staff handbook.

The manager's position is extremely ambiguous, straddling the organisational and the human. They have to be able to adapt the team's work if a member has a personal problem, while remaining the guarantor of fair treatment over the long term. It is not easy to strike the right balance, and the situation can quickly become complicated for the person in charge. How should you react when faced with an employee who has just been through a miscarriage? 

Organisations need to involve managers, and some interesting initiatives are emerging. Some companies are betting on parenthood champions to embody these issues beyond the HR paperwork. 

Another interesting avenue: drawing on collective intelligence and solidarity within the team. Rather than making everything rest on the manager, encourage mutual support between colleagues. Small arrangements as you go along, to handle an unexpected event or a passing dip in energy. Beyond that, it is the company's overall organisation that must change certain habits. For example: scheduling meetings at suitable times, easing certain processes, promoting a culture of results rather than presenteeism, and so on. 

Beyond the benefits for employees, what are the benefits for the company?

By recognising the needs linked to parenthood, the company gives its working parents a more fulfilling professional life. The consequence for the company? Its employees will perform better over the long term. 

Another benefit for companies that bet on organic growth rather than endless fundraising rounds: talent retention. Without the argument of a jaw-dropping salary, you have to find other levers to attract and keep hold of talent. And this is where taking the realities of parenthood into account can make the difference. 

By accepting that performance is not linear, that it has its ups and downs at the mercy of life's twists and turns, you completely change the paradigm. You move from an individual, short-term logic to a collective, sustainable approach, where each person can pick up the baton from the other when necessary.

One clarification in passing: firms should not think only of new parents. Developing support programmes aimed at those with older children will help them keep their talent. I am thinking in particular of two companies (Harmonie Mutuelle and L'Oréal) that have created a fund to pay for extracurricular activities and academic coaching for their employees' children. These organisations have grasped something fundamental: supporting parenthood means giving yourself a better chance of keeping your talent for longer.

To keep performing and innovating, companies also have to reinvent themselves to appeal to the new generations. The famous Millennials and Gen Z no longer want to choose between work and home life. For them, it is all one thing, a non-negotiable balance, to the point where they are ready to walk away from everything if their job encroaches too much on their life.

To keep them, you have to reinvent yourself, review your recruitment processes, rethink your offering, challenge your benefits. In short, switch into listening and test-and-learn mode to find the magic formula. Parenthood is a subject to be transformed in its own right.  

Qonto, for instance, has set up a coaching programme to support parents returning from leave, helping them get to grips with their new life and build on their new skills. Shine has also built the number of dependent children into its salary calculator. A small detail that can make all the difference in terms of appeal and loyalty.

A few words to conclude?

The revolution under way is not limited to parenthood. It takes in all of life's vulnerabilities and pivotal moments: disability, illness, the role of carer, and so on. All situations that can affect a colleague's condition and availability, without in any way calling their skills and worth into question. 

For companies with a social and environmental conscience, it is a matter of consistency. How can you champion a sustainable economic model if you are not capable of offering an equally sustainable human one? A real challenge, but also a tremendous opportunity to stand out and live up to your values.

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TO GO FURTHER:
☞ "Doing everything to let parents make the most of it" with Marie Barbier (HR director, Morning)
☞ Parental Challenge: 12 measures for a smoother transition into parenthood