The perfect opener for approaching a stranger: 1 secret in 3 steps.

A recent study carried out by the University of Chicago revealed that interactions between strangers may be able to boost our wellbeing. No less than that. With that as a starting point, one question comes naturally to mind: « How do you strike up this revitalising conversation with a stranger? ». The American researcher Carole Fleming – who specialises in verbal communication – has given the matter some serious thought. After picking the problem apart from every angle, Dr Fleming offers a (gentle) method for pulling off the perfect opener. Named ARE, this method rests on three steps: Anchor, Reveal and Encourage. Three small points to line up in very little time to make your opener.One caveat: the model isn't set in stone, and everyone will of course adapt it to their own sensibility.

The anchor, to spot a shared reality.

The first stage of the opener should be inspired by any point in common shared with the illustrious stranger. Take your pick: light-hearted jokes, a word about the weather, a free compliment or sincere small talk about some observable, shared fact. Whichever option you choose matters little, as long as it's an experience shared in the moment.

+++"Pretty cool, that last talk, wasn't it?" "The visuals on your presentation look great." "A salted-caramel brownie? Any good?"+++

Everyone will be perfectly aware of how trivial this first moment is, also dubbed friendly noise by Dr Fleming. Even so, the American researcher points out that its importance shouldn't be underestimated for all that: it's a necessary first step, and without it the rest of the opener would land completely out of the blue.

The reveal, to move into more personal territory.

Next, reveal something about yourself that ties in with the anchor point that came before. This step gives away clues about you, your preferences, your motivations and your opinions, so that the other person can pick up the thread too and start to get to know you.

+++"I'd thought it would be far more technical, but in the end it was all very clear!" "I'd have loved to be able to put together presentations with lovely visuals like that." "I've never been a fan of the traditional brownie, at any rate"+++

This opening up gives the other person further layers of information, so many things to build on in order to respond and feed the exchange to come. At the same time, you also earn their trust.

The encouragement, before handing over the baton

Dr Fleming's ideal opener ends with a piece of encouragement in the form of a question. With this step, the aim is to give your (future) conversation partner every freedom to have their say on the subject you've introduced.

+++"Did it surprise you too? Were you expecting something different?" "How did you create them? Did you use a ready-made template or did you do it all by hand?" "Do you like a traditional brownie?"+++

A few dos and don'ts...

+++In the coffee queue:"Love your shirt" "I always find it a bit hard to leave the" "Do you like a traditional brownie?"+++

+++In the lift:"Did it surprise you too? Were you expecting something different?" "How did you create them? Did you use a ready-made template or did you do it all by hand?" "Do you like a traditional brownie?"+++

In the open-plan office:

• You: « The visuals on your pre are really nice. I'd have loved to be able to put together presentations with lovely visuals like that. How did you create them? Did you use a ready-made template or do it all by hand? »
• The other person: « Thanks. Yes, I used a ready-made template I found online but I still worked on them a bit, adapting them to my presentation style and to my project. »
• You: « Great. And where exactly did you find it? Can someone with no design experience at all do it? »

In the cafeteria:

• You: « A salted-caramel brownie! I've never seen that before, it's gre I've never been a fan of the traditional brownie, at any rate. Do you like a traditional brownie? »
• The other person: « No, not really. But it's true that with salted caramel it could be an interesting combination. »
• You: « Exactly. It's not a bad idea. And as a little snack, it gives you a boost for working in the afternoon. »
• The other person: « Absolutely. It's great for having the energy to finish the day. »
• You: « And, by the way, what are you working on at the moment? »

Whether with a comment or a question, it's important to alternate between these two forms to strike the right balance: too many questions in one go and you risk making the conversation feel more like an interview, too many personal comments and you risk not giving the other person a chance to speak. The key to the connection between you and to a successful exchange is the interest you show in what the other person has to say.